What does “positive thinking” really mean?
The benefits of changing your mindset and becoming an optimist.
“Wondering whether the glass is half empty or half full is missing the point… The glass is refillable”
Unknown
Are you an optimist or a pessimist?
I’d like to clear up a myth about positive thinking and optimism. Thinking positively doesn’t mean that you never feel sad, angry or annoyed. It doesn’t mean that you don’t experience intense grief or setbacks in your life. It simply means that when those circumstances and emotions arise, or life isn’t going quite the way you’ve planned, you know and believe deep down that “this too shall pass” and that better times are ahead. It also means that you’ll approach and respond to the situation in a more positive manner, which will in turn likely lessen the effects of the negative experience.
I’d like to be clear: I’m a firm believer in realistic thinking. Where the waters get a little murky is that your reality and my reality can be totally different things, even when we’re having the same experience. The pandemic we’ve been experiencing this past year is a prime example of that. Some of us have coped much better than others. Why? Well there are many factors including our overall health, job situation, family situation, our general disposition (i.e., introverts appear to have fared better than extroverts), etc., but a lot of our experience is based on our mindset and our thoughts about the situation.
It’s always important to remember that while we can’t control external circumstances (i.e., the pandemic, someone cutting us off in traffic, etc.) we can control our reaction and response to that circumstance.
Whether you’re an optimist or a pessimist affects your outlook on life as well as how you feel about yourself. Here’s some good news: if you tend to be a pessimist it is possible to learn how to think more positively.
Learning to be a positive thinker involves noticing your self-talk and then changing that conversation. Self-talk is the constant stream of conversation we have in our heads that goes on all day. Some of the self-talk is very logical and some is not. If you’re constantly talking to yourself negatively, you will have a more pessimistic view of the world.
Forms of negative self-talk include:
Filtering out all the positive in a situation and focusing on the negative. For example, you are at work and your boss gives you a compliment at your monthly office meeting, but you make a mistake in a quote to a client later in the day and all you can think about that night as you’re lying in bed is that mistake.
Turning everything into a catastrophy. Example: You drop your glass of orange juice on the floor, shattering the glass everywhere, as you are in a rush to get ready to leave in the morning. An automatic thought may be that, “oh no, is this how my day is going to go?” and leaving the house in a negative mindset.
Interpreting a negative event as totally you’re fault (also called personalizing). An example of personalizing is that you’re supposed to meet a friend for coffee and they cancel at the last minute. You may automatically assume that it’s because they didn’t want to see you, when they actually did but a family crisis came up that they had to deal with.
Black and white thinking. This means thinking about everything as either good or bad and not considering that there may be a grey area.
Here are some possible benefits of positive thinking:
Lower stress levels and improved general health.
Better sleep
Lower rates of depression and anxiety
Greater resistance to illness
Increased coping skills when negative life events occur.
Another benefit: In general, optimists tend to take better care of themselves, leading to fewer health concerns. For example, they are more likely to eat a healthy diet, exercise, and seek out social support when necessary.
So how can you be more optimistic? Here are some suggestions to start a new positive thinking habit:
Get out your journal and write down areas in your life where you tend to automatically think negatively. Start small and see if you can slowly change the way you are approaching that person, place, thing or situation.
Throughout the day check in with yourself. Engaging in activities that encourage mindfulness (i.e., journaling, focusing on your breath, yoga, meditation, walking) can help reset your mind and your thinking.
Laugh. Humour is always the best medicine.
Engage in a healthy lifestyle including diet, exercise, yoga, meditation, and other self-care.
Seek out positive people and surround yourself with them.
Notice negative self-talk and consciously try to change that around. Try not to say things to yourself that you wouldn’t say to someone you love. Express gratitude.
Always be gentle and encouraging with yourself. Changing your mindset takes work and consistent practice. Eventually, though, with determination you can change your negative self-talk. That leads to more self-acceptance. You also may find that as you become less critical of yourself, you become less critical of the world.
Are you interested in life and mindset coaching? As part of my Wayfinder Life Coaching certification practicum I am currently accepting clients for complimentary sessions. If you would like more information on this limited-time opportunity, please email me to set up an appointment or visit my coaching page to learn more.
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I’d love to hear from you so please send any comments or questions to me at sharon@sharonashtonmindfulyoga.com. Feel free to share this email with anyone else who may be interested.
You are also invited to join my free Facebook group The Journey Within Mindful Yoga and Life Change Community here where we can connect to share resources and short mindful yoga and meditation practices:
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