Mindful Practices and their effect on loneliness
Do you ever feel lonely? We’re heading into the busiest time of year for many of us, and also the time when people report feeling very lonely. For those who are alone the rest of the year, the holidays can be particularly lonely.
What can we do to alleviate those feelings of loneliness?
First, I’d like to clarify that there’s a difference between spending time alone in solitude (which many of us crave from time to time) and the feeling of loneliness. When we’ve got a busy life, and particularly if you’re someone who has an introverted personality, then having some alone time is a welcome respite from the hustle and bustle. But, as humans we are hardwired to crave connection. It’s how we have survived over the centuries. Simply put, we need each other. We need to connect, to be understood, be loved and love others. So when we don’t have that connection it can lead to feeling lonely and isolated.
We need to feel that we belong.
If you suffer from symptoms of depression, have a poor self-image, live with chronic pain, etc., these feelings of loneliness may be even stronger.
Engaging in mindful practices on a regular, daily basis is a great way to begin to connect with yourself (the most important person in your life) and lessen feelings of loneliness. Starting by developing a good relationship with yourself sets the foundation for all other relations. By getting out your yoga mat and moving your body, sitting still in meditation, and then expressing your thoughts on pen and paper, you will begin to figure out who you are, what you really want and your next step towards your true North Star.
As you become more comfortable with yourself, it will help you figure out not only who you want to be, but who you want to spend time with and connect with - who nourishes you and helps you feel that sense of belonging. This is important because one of the keys to not being lonely is to be particular about who you choose to spend time with. We can be in a crowded room surrounded by people you know and feel lonely. Have you ever felt that way? I know I have. Why is that? Because we have a need to feel connected to the people around us. In order to feel that sense of belonging, we need to be around people who “get” us, who support us, and with whom we share the same core beliefs.
I’ve noticed that when I’m living in my full integrity, doing what lights me up, I feel connected to the world around me, even if I’m all by myself. Often when I’m with friends or family I feel that sense of belonging too, but in those times when I don’t, when the loneliness kicks in, I return to my personal mindful and self-care practices to help reconnect with myself and the world.
Here are some mindful writing and meditation prompts for you to try. I invite you to try sitting in stillness to meditate and journal about your thoughts and feelings related to loneliness and belonging:
When do you feel lonely?
What does loneliness mean to you?
Where is the feeling of loneliness in your body? Close your eyes, notice, and describe the feeling.
What do you like to do when you’re alone?
What do you prefer to do with others?
What does belonging mean to you?
Once you’ve spent time meditating and writing about those questions, try brainstorming some ideas related to the following:
How can you add more of the activities you came up with above to your current life?
Where can you find like-minded people with similar interests and beliefs?
Start by developing a deeper connection with yourself and get to know the real you. Develop self-compassion for her struggles. Become still and listen. The practice of mindfulness invites you to pay attention to the present moment with curiosity and kindness. This includes letting go of all judgements about the ways things “should” be and accepting the way things are.
Observing your feelings through mindfulness practices may help to change feelings of loneliness into feelings of possibility and anticipation.
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I’d love to hear from you so please send any comments or questions to me at sharon@sharonashtonmindfulyoga.com. Feel free to share this email with anyone else who may be interested.
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