Is it Fact or Fiction?
Our thoughts, feelings, and the stories we tell
A few weeks ago I had a nasty fall resulting in a broken wrist. I had surgery the day after the fall and am still recovering. The other day I went to see the surgeon for a follow up appointment and, after looking at my x-ray, he declared that the surgery was successful and I was fine.
I didn’t, and still don’t, feel “fine”. My fingers and hands are swollen and I can't get them to bend properly. My thumb and part of my hand are still numb. After seeing the surgeon I felt anxious. What if my hand never works properly again? What if the numbness doesn't go away? The “what ifs” had succeeded in getting a firm hold in my thoughts. Despite the surgeon’s assurances that my hand would return to normal with physiotherapy, my thoughts were spiralling out of control.
It was time to look at the facts of the situation and compare them to the stories I was telling myself. I also reminded myself that feelings and emotions, such as anxiety, are a result of our thoughts and not the actual situation. All circumstances and situations are neutral. They are facts. It's always our thoughts about any given situation that causes our feelings. For example, “I broke my wrist and had surgery” is the situation and a fact. However, “I may never be able to use my hand properly again” is a thought, and therefore the story that I'm making up about the situation. That story causes anxiety and may lead to unproductive behaviour such as lying around feeling sorry for myself and giving up on getting better.
I'm happy to report that I caught my thoughts before they sent me further on a downward spiral. I have started doing daily exercises to improve my hand mobility, I'm back doing a regular yoga practice with adaptations as necessary, and I am determined to become fully healed.
Whenever you are feeling a negative feeling or emotion (fear, anger, anxiety, etc.), I encourage you to practice mindfulness and determine the thought that led to the feeling. Notice if you're telling yourself it's the situation causing the feeling/emotion or if it’s actually a thought about it that is more problematic. It's helpful to differentiate fact from fiction. If you're telling a story, judging someone, or sharing an opinion, it's fiction. It’s a fact if we can all agree that it's true. For example, if a friend is 20 minutes late for lunch, “She was 20 minutes late for lunch” is a fact. The fiction or story that you may start telling yourself is that “She doesn't respect my time”. The fact that she was 10 minutes late isn't a problem until you make meaning of it. While it’s possible that you’re right, there could be many other reasons for the delay. Recognizing that could help relieve those negative feelings.
Here's a mindfulness practice you can try the next time you notice you're feeling a negative emotion and you need to separate fact from fiction.
Thought Noticing Practice
When you notice a negative feeling or emotion, take a few moments to ground yourself I notice your breath. Notice where the feeling is in your body. Take note of all the sensations.
Can you isolate the thought that caused those feelings? See if you can notice whether you are attaching the feelings to a situation or the actual thought. Circumstances are always neutral. It's our thoughts about what is going on that causes the distress.
Once you've isolated the actual thought that has caused the feeling, ask yourself if it's true. Or is there another way of looking at the situation? Sit with that for a moment or two and breathe into the feeling. How can you look at this situation in a new way that serves you?
By practicing noticing our thoughts whenever they are negative it becomes easier to change them to more productive thoughts. Much of what we tell ourselves isn't based on fact and is not helpful to our well-being.
I’d love to hear from you so please send any comments or questions to me at sharon@sharonashtonmindfulyoga.com. Feel free to share this email with anyone else who may be interested.
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