Do anxious feelings hold you back?
The top 3 things I’ve learned in my own journey with anxiety
“Anxiety is something that is part of me
but it’s not who I am”
Emma Stone
Anxiety, and the accompanying fear, overwhelm and stress it causes, is something I know very well, and I used to limit myself and what I was capable of by labeling myself as an anxious person.
My difficulties with anxiety started when I was very young. As a child I recall that I was very shy and a little awkward, and for as long as I can remember I avoided any social situations that I could. This led to a fear of making new friends and the belief that I didn’t belong. It was the start of a lifelong battle with anxiety.
As I’ve learned over the past few years, there’s a strong mind/body connection, and much of what we feel in our bodies is related to our thoughts and emotions. Although I didn’t realize it at the time, in addition to causing lots of mental distress, the stress and anxiety I felt for so many years also caused the physical problems I experienced, including tension headaches, severe migraines, and stomach issues.
In my late 30’s, when my mother was ill and dying, I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety, social anxiety, and panic disorder, and was prescribed anti-anxiety medication and antidepressants. My doctor told me I was the most anxious patient she had ever had, and I believed her. This initially caused me to hide in my protective shell even more.
Now, many years later, while I still experience symptoms of anxiety, it doesn’t rule my life like it once did, and, most importantly, I no longer identify myself as an anxious person.
What changed? I went back to school, studied psychology, and learned about the mind/body connection, how my nervous system works, and many skills, techniques and tools that really help. I also get regular coaching to help me sort through all my feelings and emotions and keep me moving forward.
One important and life-changing thing I’ve learned on this journey is that what we repeatedly tell ourselves really, really matters, and it’s possible to change the message your brain receives by changing your story.
Time and time again, I’ve had clients say words to the effect, “that’s just who I am, I can’t change that”. They say it like it’s a fact, but it’s just a story.
Here are the top 3 most important things I’ve learned through my journey with anxiety:
Listening to your body and checking in with your feelings is key. Your body has all the answers for you. If you’re feeling tense or stressed, become still and get curious. Where is the tension located in your body? What thoughts are going through your mind that may be creating the stress? Close your eyes, breathe and notice.
Noticing the things you keep telling yourself (your thoughts) makes a big difference. The things you keep saying to yourself, usually on repeat, are keeping you stuck in the anxiety cycle. Try creating new, more supportive ways to talk to yourself.
Creating supportive daily mindful habits is essential to alleviating symptoms of anxiety. Once you begin to alleviate the symptoms that keep activating the flight or fight response inside, you’ll be able to think more clearly and begin to work towards solving problems as they arise. It’s the things we do daily that begin to change the way we see the world.
When you’re feeling anxious, finding a way to ground yourself in the present moment really works to calm the nervous system, and it works whether you’re having an acute anxiety attack, or you’re just feeling mildly uncomfortable.
Here’s one of my favourite go-to grounding practices:
Connect with your senses: 5-4-3-2-1 Exercise
Because I’ve been experiencing symptoms of anxiety since I was a child, I regularly do this exercise, along with other mindful grounding practices and have noticed a big difference in how often and how severely I experience anxiety.
Look around the space you’re in and notice:
5 things you see
4 things you can touch
3 things you can hear
2 things you can smell
1 thing you can taste
It’s so simple, yet so effective.
This exercise is really helpful for so many different situations:
During an acute anxiety attack, we often feel really ungrounded, and some people even feel disconnected from their bodies. By engaging the senses, it helps you to get back into your body quickly, and calm the nervous system so you can think.
When you’re experiencing mild anxiety, or feeling overwhelmed and know it will escalate, this is the perfect time connect with your breath, notice your feelings, and do a grounding exercise like this one.
Exercises like this are also great to do regularly to help prevent anxiety attacks. Mindful practices, such as the 5-4-3-2-1 exercise, when done regularly, will help keep you calm throughout the day and help reduce and even prevent anxiety.
Another tip: Go ahead and change the order of the senses if you want. For example, instead of “5 things you see”, it could be “5 things you can touch”, etc. Make this practice your own!
Please know that if you experience significant symptoms of anxiety, you’re not broken and things can get better. Be kind and gentle with yourself as you find what works for you in your own personal anxiety journey. It’s important to do what’s right for you, and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with taking medication if you need it. Hiring a life coach to help you move forward will change your life, and psychotherapy may also be necessary if you feel stuck in the past or have trauma to process.
“Anxiety isn't you. It's something moving through you.
It can leave out of the same door it came in.”
James Clear
———
I’d love to hear from you so please send any comments or questions to me at sharon@sharonashtoncoaching.com. Feel free to share this email with anyone else who may be interested.
What is stopping you from living your best life? Get out your journal and a pen and take the new quiz on my website to find out:
Are you interested in learning more about life change & mindset coaching from a mind/body perspective? Please email me at sharon@sharonashtonmindfulyoga.com for more information or to schedule a free introductory consultation to see if coaching is right for you. You can also visit my website coaching page.
"I felt at complete ease with Sharon from our first conversation. She has a wonderful, gentle but firm way that made me focus on my thoughts / feelings so I could remove / change to move forward with a completely different feeling to what felt like obstacles. It was great having regular coaching that gently kept me accountable to actioning and moving towards my goals. Sharon has vast experience in so many areas, I felt that makes her an amazing coach.”
— Michelle Carney, East Galway, Ireland
You can access your free Find Your Inner Coach Guide including a guided visualization and journal prompts here:
If you’re interested in more inspiration and community around positive mindset, slow mindful yoga, meditation and mindful writing practices, come join our private Facebook group here: