The Beauty of Imperfection
and how to embrace the “I am good enough” mantra
“Life isn’t meant to be lived perfectly…but merely to be lived. Boldly, wildly, beautifully, uncertainly, imperfectly, magically lived.”
Mandy Hale
“Perfectly imperfect”, “progress not perfection” and “done is better than perfect” are all mantras I repeat often to myself.
It’s time for all of us to embrace, “I AM good enough”.
Repeat it again and again and again until you mean it!
I don’t mean we shouldn’t all strive to be really good at what we’re doing and have high standards but the truth is nobody’s perfect. And that really does include you!
Perfectionism is defined as, “a refusal to accept any standard short of perfection”. This involves insisting on flawlessness and being overly critical of yourself as well as others.
How do you know you’re a perfectionist? Here are a few signs:
You are very self-critical of every single little mistake you make.
Other people have told you that you expect too much from yourself and others.
You feel anxious, frustrated, angry or depressed when things don’t meet your standards.
You find it difficult to finish tasks and also find it difficult to ask others to do it for you.
According to www.anxietycanada.com, the following are some examples of perfectionistic thinking:
Black-and-white thinking: This includes thinking that if something isn’t done perfectly, it is a failure. It also includes thinking that if you need help it is also a failure.
Catastrophic thinking: People who think this way can’t handle making a mistake in front of others and fear humiliation. They also worry about others being upset with them. “What will everyone think?”
Probability overestimation: Even though you’ve done everything you possibly can, you have a feeling that you didn’t do it right or something went wrong. You think you know what everyone else is thinking.
Making “should” statements: “I should be more prepared” or “I shouldn’t ever make mistakes.
Did you notice that all of those examples of perfectionistic thinking are future-based? That’s why they lead to anxiety. Using mindful tools like meditation and mindful yoga practices will help bring your thoughts back to the present to alleviate the perfectionistic pressure you put on yourself.
“Imperfections are not inadequacies; they are reminders that we’re all in this together.”
Brene Brown
How do you overcome perfectionistic thinking? As with everything else, you’ll have to work on your mindset and, specifically, your thoughts. Your mindset is everything.
Start by replacing self-critical or perfectionistic thoughts with thoughts that are more realistic and helpful, such as:
How can I be perfect if nobody’s perfect?
The best I can do is my best.
Humans make mistakes and I’m human. So guess what? I make mistakes.
It’s okay if I’m not liked by everyone.
Ask yourself the following questions:
Does it really matter if I make a mistake in this instance?
What is the worst that can happen if I make a mistake? If the worst happens, will I live through it?
Will this matter next week? Next year? Sometime in the future?
What would I say to a friend who was in this situation? What advice would I give?
Is there any other perspective I could take?
What are other, more useful thoughts I could have in this situation?
I learned to let go of perfectionism a long time ago and I encourage you to do the same. It’s liberating. When you’re not a perfectionist, it’s okay to make mistakes, be less than the best (but still be pretty darned good!), and you actually get things done! I just ask myself, “Have I tried my best in this instance?” and if the answer is “yes”, I let it go. I also don’t worry so much about what “everyone” else thinks either. I’ve learned that everybody won’t like everything that I do, and that’s okay.
Here’s an example: I’ve been in yoga classes and trainings where the instructor has *gasp!* fallen out of a pose. Did the class consider the teacher a failure? No, definitely not. In fact, seeing the teacher normalize the situation by recognizing the mistake, acknowledging it, and turning it into an example of her humanness, had the effect of relaxing the entire room and allowing us to be who we are. She definitely was not seen as a failure.
It can be like that for you too.
Repeat after me: “I am good enough just as I am”.
“The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself.”
Anna Quindlen
Recommendation for further reading and exploration:
The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown
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I’d love to hear from you so please send any comments or questions to me at sharon@sharonashtonmindfulyoga.com. Feel free to share this email with anyone else who may be interested.
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"I felt at complete ease with Sharon from our first conversation. She has a wonderful, gentle but firm way that made me focus on my thoughts / feelings so I could remove / change to move forward with a completely different feeling to what felt like obstacles. It was great having regular coaching that gently kept me accountable to actioning and moving towards my goals. Sharon has vast experience in so many areas, I felt that makes her an amazing coach.”
— Michelle Carney, East Galway, Ireland
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