Are you Allowing or Resisting your Feelings?
Managing your emotions to create more calm in your life
“What you resist, persists.”
C. G. Jung
Our emotions drive our behaviour - everything we do, and everything we don’t do. How does that happen? We have thoughts about whatever situation we’re in that create emotions and feelings. These feelings, in turn, lead to certain behaviours. As you may notice, emotions and feelings are very powerful.
If you want to create more calm in your life, the key is to start feeling your emotions instead of resisting them. Whenever we have a negative feeling or emotion (i.e., sadness, anger, fear, etc.) the first thing we tend to do is to fight or resist it. Why? Because we don’t want to experience these negative emotions. However, usually this resistance results in more of the feeling we’re trying to eliminate.
This resistance to accepting what is causes more suffering in our lives. You may have heard this quote from the Buddha: “Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional”
We are human so we’re going to feel pain, we’re going to feel uncomfortable at times, and our knee-jerk reaction will be to resist that pain, whether it’s emotional or physical. However, when you allow yourself to really feel your emotions, it allows more space for understanding and you can begin the process of being at peace. Since emotions and feelings are the result of our thoughts, their discomfort can help us identify limiting beliefs.
What if you stopped resisting and started really feeling your emotions instead? What would you be able to accomplish or experience if you weren’t afraid of feeling a negative emotion? And how would that change your thoughts? For example, if you feel fear when starting something new (because new things are scary and very uncomfortable), what if you were able to sit with the fear, work through it, and be able to follow through on your goals, despite the fear, instead of giving up because you allow yourself to be overwhelmed by it?
Something to remember is that feelings are only vibrations moving through your body. On their own, they are harmless. It’s our reactions to our feelings that are important. By allowing yourself to feel what you feel, just sitting with the feeling, you will give yourself an opportunity to move forward and make decisions in a way that’s more in line with your true self and integrity.
So how do we develop more awareness of our emotions and feelings? By beginning to notice:
how your emotions are related to positive and negative thoughts;
that when experiencing unpleasant emotions you have an urge to disconnect from or avoid those emotions; and
your use of the word “should” and judging yourself - as in “I should or shouldn’t” feel this way (i.e., “I should feel happier” or “I shouldn’t be so sad”).
Once you’ve practiced becoming aware of your emotions, you can then begin allowing them to be there instead of resisting.
Here’s a meditation to try that allows you to sit with your feelings and just notice. Please remember that you can’t do this wrong, and if feelings become too overwhelming, reconnect with your breath and let the thoughts go.
Thoughts, Emotions and Feelings Meditation
Find a comfortable seated position, either in a chair or on the floor. Take a few moments to feel the connection of your body in the chair or on the ground, and take any movements you need to settle in.
Close your eyes or soften your gaze and begin to notice your breath as it goes in and out through your nose. Gently start lengthening your inhales and exhales. Feel your lungs expanding on the inhale and feel your belly button drawing in on the exhale.
How does the breath feel as it moves through your body? Imagine the oxygen moving through your entire body, from the crown of your head all the way down to your feet.
Once you feel settled and connected with your breath, begin to notice your thoughts. Allow the sensation of the breath to move into the background and gently notice what thoughts are coming to the forefront of your mind.
As you begin to notice a thought, begin to notice the emotion associated with that thought. Can you identify it? (hint: an emotion is always one word - happy, sad, angry, etc.). How does that emotion feel in your body? See if you can become curious and aware without becoming too attached to the feeling.
Whenever your thoughts wander (which they will), just notice and see if you can bring your awareness back to your feelings.
Can you just sit with the feeling and continue with curious exploration? You may find that the feeling disappears on it’s own. Don’t try to hold onto it, just let it come in and out of awareness as you watch in stillness.
When you’re ready, gently begin some gentle movement in your body, open your eyes and reconnect with your world and your day.
How was that? I encourage you to spend time in a meditation like this on a regular basis to help you begin to get in touch and form a relationship with your feelings.
To make the practice more powerful, get out your journal and write about your experience. Name all of your emotions. Where do you feel those emotions in your body? Extend the practice even further, by engaging in a mindful yoga practice and notice the feelings as they move through your body.
———
I’d love to hear from you so please send any comments or questions to me at sharon@sharonashtonmindfulyoga.com. Feel free to share this email with anyone else who may be interested.
I’m excited to share that I’ve started a podcast - The Journey Within Podcast - you can listen to this week’s podcast here:
Are you interested in life change & mindset coaching? If you are interested in exploring new ways to bring joy into your world and live your best life, please email me to set up a complimentary 30 minute coaching session/discovery call at sharon@sharonashtonmindulyoga.com or visit my website coaching page.
"I felt at complete ease with Sharon from our first conversation. She has a wonderful, gentle but firm way that made me focus on my thoughts / feelings so I could remove / change to move forward with a completely different feeling to what felt like obstacles. It was great having regular coaching that gently kept me accountable to actioning and moving towards my goals. Sharon has vast experience in so many areas, I felt that makes her an amazing coach.”
— Michelle Carney, East Galway, Ireland
You can access your free Find Your Inner Coach Guide including a guided visualization and journal prompts here:
If you’re interested in more inspiration and community around positive mindset, slow mindful yoga, meditation and mindful writing practices, come join our private Facebook group here: