What is holding you back?
How to let go of limiting beliefs and step into your true self
“I’m not interested in your limiting beliefs;
I’m interested in what makes you limitless”.
Brendan Burchard
Our beliefs shape our mindset and our mindset creates our life. In other words, what we believe to be true causes feelings and emotions that lead us to behaving in a particular way.
A definition of belief is “an acceptance that a statement is true or that something exists”. Many of our core beliefs and values have been there from a very young age, and many we don’t need to question because they serve us well.
However, when they’re beliefs that stop us from achieving our dreams and moving forward in our lives, it’s important to question their validity. They’re often what we call limiting beliefs.
“If you accept a limiting belief, then it will become a truth for you.”
Louise Hay
What are limiting beliefs?
A limiting belief is a thought you believe to be true and that limits you in some way. These limiting beliefs can be about yourself, other people in your life, or the world as a whole. Limiting beliefs can have a number of negative effects and can hold you back from leading a life that is more joyous and happy. Since we humans tend to lean toward a negativity bias (thoughts that tend to be more negative than positive when it comes to our experiences in the world) limiting beliefs are very difficult to get rid of.
Limiting beliefs often appear in the form of fears. Here are some examples of fears that lead to limiting beliefs:
Fear of failure (or success)
Fear of not being good enough
Fear of not be loved, or being unlovable
Fear of not having enough money
Fear of rejection
When we’re experiencing limiting beliefs related to fear, the following thoughts (or a version of them) often appear:
I’m not good enough to ___________.
I don’t deserve it.
I don’t have enough money (leading to “I’ll never be able to retire” or “I can’t leave my job”)
I can’t because won’t let me (claiming others are holding you back).
I'm unloveable.
How do we let go of these limiting beliefs that hold us back?
Here are some suggestions:
Write them down. The first step in solving any problem in your life is to become clear about what that problem actually is. The most effective way to do this, in my experience, is to write it down. What are your negative beliefs? Be honest with yourself. Say it out loud, write down, sing a song about it; whatever works.
What is the origin of these beliefs? Usually our beliefs can be traced back to our earlier years. Perhaps you learned a fear about scarcity and money from lack in your childhood. Perhaps you didn’t make a sports team or were excluded from a social group leading to fear of rejection. Can you find the original source of the belief?
Look for evidence. Pretend you’re in a courtroom and have to defend yourself for holding this belief. What will the prosecution bring forward to show that it’s not true? Ask yourself these four questions (adapted from: Loving What Is – four questions that can change your life by Byron Katie):
Is it true?
Can I know it’s absolutely true?
What happens, how do I react, when I believe this thought?
Who would I be without the thought?
Once you’ve asked those questions and spent some time writing and meditating on them, Byron Katie suggests turning the statements around. For example “I am not creative” becomes “I am creative” or a gentler thought, “I am learning how to be creative”. Can you find evidence to support the new thought?
Throughout your day, whenever you find yourself falling into the pattern of negative thoughts, the following might be helpful:
Stop and reflect: Ask yourself if there’s a limiting belief behind that thought. Pause and engage in some mindful reflection. Notice and become aware that your thoughts may not be helpful. Take some time to sit, breathe and meditate.
Challenge the thought: Is it true? (see above). Most of our thoughts are in fact not true.
Take responsibility: So often we blame outside circumstances for our thoughts when in fact we are in complete control of how we think. A thought is just a thought, it is not a fact.
Talk to someone: It’s often helpful to talk through your difficulties with someone, especially if you want help with changing your internal dialogue and stories. Get help by talking to a friend, a life coach or a therapist to find a way to change your stories to start living the life you want and deserve.
Always remember that your mind is trying to protect you from getting hurt and it will always try to keep you in your comfort zone, even if it means holding on to thoughts and beliefs that aren’t true.
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I’d love to hear from you so please send any comments or questions to me at sharon@sharonashtonmindfulyoga.com. Feel free to share this email with anyone else who may be interested.
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"I felt at complete ease with Sharon from our first conversation. She has a wonderful, gentle but firm way that made me focus on my thoughts / feelings so I could remove / change to move forward with a completely different feeling to what felt like obstacles. It was great having regular coaching that gently kept me accountable to actioning and moving towards my goals. Sharon has vast experience in so many areas, I felt that makes her an amazing coach.”
— Michelle Carney, East Galway, Ireland
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