Upgrade Your Thinking
Rewrite your narrative and create a new story
Have you ever been at a family gathering or social event with friends where someone tells a story that you were part of, and your recollection of the facts is completely different? I know I have. That’s good news because it means it’s possible to tell our stories from a new perspective.
It’s time to upgrade your thinking.
Due to a phenomenon called “negativity bias” we tend to recall the negative things that happen to us more often than the positive ones. We’ll paint a picture of ourselves that is less favorable more often than remembering how brilliant we were in a situation.
It’s not so much the negative thoughts and stories that are the problem, it’s that we really believe that our thoughts are the truth.
There are many ways we can play with our thoughts to help rewrite our stories. Here are a few techniques you can try in order to flip the script in your mind. Many of these techniques are adapted from tools used in Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT) and can be easily adapted to use on your own whether you’re worrying about one small thing or you’ve got a long story that you’ve been telling yourself for years.
Take time to notice what’s going on in your mind. Awareness is key in changing negative thoughts. A good question to ask yourself is Why? Why am I thinking this thought?
When you notice yourself thinking something negative or worrying, say “thank you” to your mind because it’s doing exactly what it’s supposed to do; protect you from danger (even if it does go overboard in the worry department!).
Turn your negative thought into a cartoon in your mind or into a message you can’t turn off (i.e., “This is your mind speaking again. It’s time to worry!”). This creates some distance from your thoughts and allows you to observe your mind. If you can start laughing at yourself and your stories, you’ll be able to start changing them.
Deliberately turn a negative thought into a positive one by thinking the opposite on purpose. Here’s a little exercise to try. Start walking in a circle. Now start telling yourself “I can’t walk in a circle.” Your brain will have a hard time continuing to walk in the circle while you’re saying that.
Pretend there’s a “thought catalogue” and go in to exchange your thoughts for new ones.
Practice replacing the word “but” with “and” (all the time if you can!) and notice how it changes the negative thought. For example, “I want to go outside BUT it’s cold” can be changed to “I want to go outside AND it’s cold”. Putting “and '' in the sentence instead adds possibility whereas the “but” shuts it down. For example, in this situation, using the word “and” suggests I may just look for a warm coat to put on, however, the word “but” makes it sound like I’ve decided not to go out. I really encourage you to try this one - it’s powerful.
Spend some time with your journal and see if you can rewrite some of your thoughts and stories using these techniques. Take the facts out of your stories and write new narratives.
To help build your awareness of your thoughts, here’s an adaptation of the Three Minute Breathing Space from the Mindful Based Cognitive Therapy Program (MBCT).
Three Minute Mind Reset Breathing Practice
To get started, find a comfortable seat, lie down on the floor or your bed, or even stand up tall if you want to feel more alert. Feel your feet planted firmly on the floor or notice your back as it meets the ground. As you get comfortable, start noticing your posture and become aware of all your body sensations. And then allow your eyes to close, or lower your gaze to go within.
Notice your thoughts, and feelings along with your body sensations. As much as possible, acknowledge your thoughts and turn towards uncomfortable feelings. Maybe you need to do a short body scan to notice what’s going on inside your body.
Once you’ve connected with your thoughts, feelings and bodily sensations, it’s time to redirect your attention to your breath. Begin to notice your breath coming in through your nose and out through your nose. Notice the sensations as it flows into your body and perhaps notice your stomach moving in and out. Let the breath keep you in the present moment.
Now it’s time to expand your awareness so that in addition to feeling the breath moving in and out through your body you begin to notice your entire body and all its sensations. Pay special attention to any tension you may be feeling, including your facial expression, and notice how that feels. If anything feels uncomfortable, then try breathing into it, letting go in each exhale. And say to yourself “Whatever I’m feeling, it’s already here, just let me feel it.”
When you’re ready, slowly open your eyes and re-orient yourself to your surroundings. See if you can take this greater sense of openness and expansion back into your daily life.
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How can you upgrade your thinking and rewrite your stories? I encourage you to get out your journal and get creative. Challenge your thoughts and start exploring.
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I’d love to hear from you so please send any comments or questions to me at sharon@sharonashtonmindfulyoga.com. Feel free to share this email with anyone else who may be interested.
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"I felt at complete ease with Sharon from our first conversation. She has a wonderful, gentle but firm way that made me focus on my thoughts / feelings so I could remove / change to move forward with a completely different feeling to what felt like obstacles. It was great having regular coaching that gently kept me accountable to actioning and moving towards my goals. Sharon has vast experience in so many areas, I felt that makes her an amazing coach.”
— Michelle Carney, East Galway, Ireland
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