The Self-Confidence Solution
Tips and a self-compassion meditation to help you build confidence in yourself
“Self-confidence is a super power.
Once you start to believe in yourself, magic starts happening.”
Unknown
Self-confidence is defined as “a feeling of trust in one’s abilities, qualities, and judgements”. The more proficient you think you are in an area of your life, the more self-confidence you’ll have in yourself.
We aren’t born lacking confidence in ourselves and our abilities; it’s something we learn as we move through life and try more and more things. We’re social beings and begin to compare ourselves with others and much of our lack of self-confidence can be traced back to our past experiences and our concern about what others think. Our brains begin to develop defenses to keep us safe from getting hurt.
These defenses also keep us stuck.
So what can you do to improve your self-confidence? The first thing you can do is stop comparing yourself to others. There will always be someone who you think is smarter, richer and more attractive and talented than you. If you’re feeling envious of someone else’s success, one strategy that works well is to keep a gratitude journal and write down all the areas of your own life that are going well.
Here are 5 more of my go-to mindset tips and recommendations for changing your thoughts and increasing self-confidence:
The first step is always to stop, take a breath (or two, or three) and notice your thoughts. Notice how your body is feeling when you think those thoughts. Here’s a simple thought tool from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) that involves catching your thoughts:
When you notice a particular thought, say it out loud, “I’m having the thought that…..”.
Repeat that 3 times. Then say, “I notice I’m having the thought that…..” and again.
Repeat it 3 times. What do you notice? Are you able to become an observer of yourthoughts? Write your thoughts down to help you notice them even more.Get curious about your thoughts and start questioning them. You can use Byron Katie’s method of thought inquiry called The Work and ask yourself, “Is it true?” and “Can I absolutely know that it’s true?” Really start to notice how you feel when you think that thought. Does that feeling serve you?
Decide what you’d rather think. What’s a better thought that would help you move forward? Perhaps you can use the thought ladder approach where you gently start introducing new, more supportive thoughts.
Gather evidence for your new thoughts. Write the evidence down. Read it back to yourself often. Building evidence of your abilities will help your brain to get on board.
Practice your new thoughts. Practice, practice, practice! Gather evidence every day and keep repeating your new thoughts until they become the new reality.
In addition to thought work and journaling, another mindset tool to help you start noticing your thoughts and feelings is meditation. It not only relaxes you and helps decrease the anxiety a lack of self-confidence creates, it can actually help improve your self-confidence by helping you connect with your true self and disconnect from all that negative self-talk that you’ve been engaging in.
Here’s a 3-minute self-compassion meditation for you to try in any situation in your life that’s causing stress:
Remember: You always get to decide what you want to believe about yourself and how you want to feel. When obstacles appear on your path, your self-confidence and trust in your own knowing and ability will be challenged. When that happens, pause, take a deep breath, remember your self-compassion and say to yourself:
“I’ve got this.”
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I’d love to hear from you so please send any comments or questions to me at sharon@sharonashtonmindfulyoga.com. Feel free to share this email with anyone else who may be interested.
Please check out The Journey Within podcast at:
What is stopping you from living your best life? Get out your journal and a pen and take the new quiz on my website to find out:
Are you interested in learning more about life change & mindset coaching from a mind/body perspective? Please email me at sharon@sharonashtonmindfulyoga.com for more information or to schedule a free introductory consultation to see if coaching is right for you. You can also visit my website coaching page.
"I felt at complete ease with Sharon from our first conversation. She has a wonderful, gentle but firm way that made me focus on my thoughts / feelings so I could remove / change to move forward with a completely different feeling to what felt like obstacles. It was great having regular coaching that gently kept me accountable to actioning and moving towards my goals. Sharon has vast experience in so many areas, I felt that makes her an amazing coach.”
— Michelle Carney, East Galway, Ireland
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