The Healing Power of Kindness
How kindness and self-compassion help with trauma
“No act of kindness, however small, is ever wasted.”
Aesop
My week began with one of my worst nightmares; I hit a deer (a doe) on my way home from work. I’d had two near-misses in the last year, but this time I wasn’t as fortunate.
I’m “lucky” because I didn’t hurt myself, but the doe wasn’t as lucky. For 10 excruciatingly long minutes I watched her suffer and die as I stood by and sobbed helplessly.
While it couldn’t have been any worse for the deer, I’m well aware that it could have been much worse for me, not just physically, but emotionally. It was, in a word, traumatic. Due to the kindness of several strangers (and there were many!) I was cared for with incredible kindness and compassion, so much of it that I’m still amazed as I think about it.
I know most people are inherently kind, but every single one of the people (mostly men) who stopped to help me went out of their way to extend their kindness. There was no rush and no hurry to get anywhere else. They stopped and gave their complete attention to me and a dying deer.
“Trauma is a fact of life.
It does not, however, need to be a life sentence.”
Dr. Peter A. Levine
Trauma research indicates that if we can move our bodies (i.e., shake it off) and find an empathetic ear to tell our story to, it will go a long way to reducing the long term effects of internalizing a traumatic event. Since I’ve studied trauma therapy, specifically the work of Dr. Peter A. Levine (author of In an Unspoken Voice) and Dr. Bessel Van Der Kolk (author of The Body Keeps the Score), I knew I needed to let myself cry and shake as much as necessary. Due to the kindness of strangers and the gentle compassion from my husband who lended an empathetic ear and his arms as I sobbed, I think I was able to discharge most of the trauma I experienced. So, although this will always be a very unpleasant memory, I’m not not likely to keep the trauma trapped in my body.
One other important aspect of kindness and trauma is self-kindness and self-compassion. Initially after the accident I was very unkind to myself and full of blame and anger. My mindful practices, as always, helped me through.
Here’s one of my favourite meditations, a loving kindness meditation that you can use anytime you want to feel a little kinder towards yourself and the world around you.
Loving Kindness Meditation
As we go through the meditation, you’ll be invited to say the following words to yourself, first towards yourself, then towards someone/something you love, someone you feel neutral towards, someone you find challenging, and finally to all sentient beings in the world.
May I (he/she, they, all) be safe and protected from all harm
May I (he/she, they all) be free from emotional and physical pain and suffering
May I (he/she, they, all) be truly happy and deeply peaceful
May I (he/she, they all) live with ease and joy all of my days
You can listen to the meditation here:
When you’re finished with the meditation, spend some time reflecting on how you can show more kindness and compassion and how the kindness of others impacts your life. As always, I encourage you to get out your journal and write down your thoughts.
“In a world where you can be anything, be kind.”
Unknown
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