Why is self-compassion so hard to practice?
Whenever I suggest to someone that they need to exercise self-compassion, most of the time my suggestion is met with an uncomfortable silence, a dismissive wave of the hand, or a look of defeat.
Why is that?
It seems that many people associate self-compassion as being an act of self-indulgence. It’s very acceptable to GIVE compassion, and it’s even okay if someone is compassionate towards us, but we’re very reluctant to extend that little kindness towards ourselves.
“Compassion is, by definition, relational. Compassion literally means 'to suffer with,' which implies a basic mutuality in the experience of suffering. The emotion of compassion springs from the recognition that the human experience is imperfect.”
― Dr. Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself
When we are in pain (mental, emotional or physical) we need to spend time being kind to ourselves, and “suffer with” ourselves. By extending that little kindness inwards, we’ll have more capacity to extend compassion to others when it is needed most.
How do mindful practices, such as yoga, meditation and journaling, help us develop self-compassion?
When we engage in any form of personal development, such as increasing our mental, emotional and physical health through movement and self-reflection, we are NOT being self-indulgent. On the contrary, we are actually increasing our ability to help those around us who need it most.
Here are some suggestions for adding more self-compassion to your mindful yoga practices (and your day!):
Feel your breath: Your breath always comes first! Notice the quality of your breath and continue to pay close attention to it throughout your practice. Invite kindness toward yourself as you breathe. Try to maintain a slow, steady breath to not only promote compassion, but also to reduce stress. Let all the tension seep out of your body as you breath.
Place your hands on your heart: Throughout your day, or on your yoga mat, whenever you are feeling fragile and/or vulnerable, place your hands over your heart, feel their warmth, and send some loving kindness to yourself.
Close your eyes or soften your gaze: Allow yourself some time to shut out the world and stop engaging in self-criticism. Go inward while moving and adjust your yoga poses by listening to your body, what it needs and how it feels, not by what you think looks good or by how you think it is perceived by others. Your practice doesn’t need to be photo-worthy.
Do restorative poses more often: Sometimes an entire yoga practice can be simply staying in child’s pose, or adding more forward folds in-between poses. “More and faster” is not better than “less and slower”, especially when practicing mindful yoga.
I love this quote by Sharon Salzberg, meditation teacher:
“You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you and yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserves your love and affection.”
~ Sharon Salzberg
Self-compassion is a powerful tool in your resilience toolkit. It will help you in building inner strength, reducing stress, decreasing negative thoughts, and increasing your mental wellbeing.
Be kind to yourself and notice how your world changes!
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Be sure to share this blog post with your friends and join my Facebook Group - The Journey Within: Mindful Yoga and Life Change Community. This week I’ll be adding a mindful yoga practice and a meditation practice focusing on self-compassion.
Also, you can download your free guided audio meditation with affirmations to promote physical, mental and emotional healing right here!