Practice Forgiveness for Yourself and Others
A Loving Kindness Meditation to create more peace, calm, and joy in your life (and improve your sleep!)
“One of the secrets of a long and fruitful life is to forgive everybody everything every night before you go to bed.”
Unknown
Are you looking for ways to calm your anxious mind, improve your sleep, and create more peace and joy in your life?
I love puzzle books, and the other day as I was solving one of the puzzles, the above quote revealed itself to me.
It came at the perfect time, just when I needed it (like so many things do). I’d been having problems sleeping as my thoughts whirled around in my mind and this one word made all the difference: forgiveness.
While of course this means forgiving others, it’s also really important (maybe even more important) to forgive ourselves. Each and every day, we say things we don’t mean or wish we could take back, we make mistakes, and we judge others for the same things. At night in our beds, we often go over the day and all of our imperfections are magnified.
Everything we feel is related to our thoughts and the meaning we make out of the circumstances in our lives. We spend a lot of time ruminating over perceived mistakes, the “shoulds” and “should haves”, and regrets.
We replay conversations in our minds over and over, and we spend a lot of time rehearsing future conversations so we get them “right”.
In other words, we spend a lot of time in our heads making stuff up, and berating ourselves and others. None of this leads to calm, peace or joy, and it certainly doesn’t help us sleep better at night.
It’s not easy to practice forgiveness, but well worth it. It also doesn’t mean that you necessarily agree with or condone someone’s actions, it just means that for your own peace of mind you’re willing to accept what’s happened and show yourself and others compassion.
Here’s a challenge for you to try tonight. When you’re getting ready for bed, consciously make the decision to let go of all the day’s conversations and your negative thoughts about yourself and others.
It’s not easy, but well worth it.
Practice the art of forgiveness. Notice how powerful forgiving yourself and others can be. Why not believe, just for tonight, that you did your best today and so did everyone around you. You can go back to your negative thinking again tomorrow if you really must (but I don’t suggest it).
I’ve tried practicing this myself using breath practices, doing mind dumps in my journal, meditating, and using visualizations to help turn my mind in another direction. One meditation that I’ve found particularly helpful is the Loving Kindness Meditation and I’ve included a version of it here for you to try.
Loving Kindness Meditation for Forgiveness
In most versions of the Loving Kindness Meditation, you’re invited to extend kindness first towards yourself, then towards someone/something you love, someone you feel neutral towards, someone you find challenging, and finally to all sentient beings in the world.
This version invites you to extend kindness and forgiveness towards yourself and others who are occupying a negative space in your mind.
As you’re settling in and getting comfortable and ready for sleep, connect with your breath and try repeating words similar to these in you mind:
May I be safe and protected from all harm.
May I be free from emotional pain and suffering.
May I learn from and let go of all my mistakes.
May I feel deeply peaceful and ease into sleep.
If you find that you can’t let go of a troubling conversation you had with someone, or simply feel you’ve been wronged, try these words (or come up with your own to fit the situation):
May (insert name) be safe and protected from all harm.
May (insert name) be free from emotional pain and suffering.
May (insert name) learn from and let go of all their mistakes
May (insert name) feel deeply peaceful and ease into sleep.
After you extend loving kindness to the other person, go back to the first words about yourself (i.e., May I be……) and repeat those again, and as many times as necessary.
It’s so much easier to practice forgiveness when your heart is filled with loving kindness.
I hope this meditation brings you peace, calm, a heart filled with joy, and a very good night’s sleep.
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