How to welcome all your emotions
Why there are no good or bad feelings
The Guest House
By Rumi
This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
Each day we think thousands of thoughts that create emotions and feelings in our body. It’s important to welcome them all. We’ll want to invite some of them to stay longer and others to go as soon as possible. That’s okay, but allow yourself to really feel them first.
Although we often use the words interchangeably and they are connected, there are subtle differences between emotions and feelings. Emotions are triggered by a circumstance. For example joy occurs when we experience something positive and sadness occurs when we experience a loss. Feelings are more specific than emotions and relate to how we experience the emotions. For example, we may experience joy through feeling increased energy and tingling sensations in the body, and we may experience sadness by a tight feeling in the chest and feelings of hopelessness.
A note about a positive mindset: While I believe that a positive mindset is key to living a satisfying and joy-filled life, I don’t believe in what’s called toxic positivity. Toxic positivity occurs when we believe that we should avoid negative thoughts and feelings when negative events occur. It means having a “good vibes only” approach to life which isn’t healthy.
For example, when we experience a loss, it is natural to feel sad. We need to process painful experiences and emotions in order to reach a place where we can accept them and maintain good psychological health.
It’s possible to maintain an optimistic, positive outlook on life AND allow ourselves, and others, to feel emotions.
We don’t need to be afraid of our emotions and feelings. I like to think about them as messengers and they’re simply vibrations in the body. It’s okay to let them be there. They come and go and no feeling lasts forever.
Also, without feeling sadness, we wouldn’t truly feel happiness or joy. As humans, we’re meant to feel all the emotions.
Through engaging in mindful practices, we really begin to understand our feelings and make sense of them. We can move feelings through our bodies by engaging in movement, meditation or mindful writing practices.
Here’s an adaptation of a meditation I learned from my mentor, Martha Beck, that will help you learn to sit with your feelings.
Allow and Surrender Meditation
Whenever you’re experiencing an intense emotion, you’re invited to take a breath in to allow what is happening, and then as you breathe out, surrender your resistance to what’s happening.
Let’s give it a try. Sit up tall in a comfortable position with your feet planted firmly on the floor. Gently close your eyes or lower your gaze. As you inhale, say to yourself,“I allow everything in the universe to be as it is in this moment”. As you exhale, say to yourself, “I surrender my resistance to everything in the universe being exactly as it is at this moment.”
As you breathe in: I allow things as they are.
As you breathe out: I surrender my resistance to things being as they are.
Do this for several breaths. You can shorten the words you say to yourself, allow and surrender.
The truth is, you may need to surrender to the fact that you are sad in this moment, or you are angry in this moment, or you’re in pain at this moment.
Allow things to be as they are, and then surrender your resistance to things being as they are.
Breathe in (allow), breathe out (surrender).
Reflection Exercise: What feelings are you experiencing right now?
What are you feeling right now? You’ll see that our main feelings are in the center of the feelings wheel below (happy, sad, disgusted, angry, fearful, bad, surprised) and we can get more specific by looking at the outer spokes of the wheel.
What thought(s) created that feeling?
Is that feeling supporting the next action you want to take? Our behaviours stem from what we are feeling. In other words, how we react, or what we do next, depends on how we feel.
The Feelings Wheel
Always remember that your feelings are valid. They’re part of what makes you human and they give you useful information about what’s going on in your life.
Whenever you’re feeling a strong emotion, remember to come back to the present moment by grounding yourself and connecting your mind and body so you can respond in a healthy way.
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"I felt at complete ease with Sharon from our first conversation. She has a wonderful, gentle but firm way that made me focus on my thoughts / feelings so I could remove / change to move forward with a completely different feeling to what felt like obstacles. It was great having regular coaching that gently kept me accountable to actioning and moving towards my goals. Sharon has vast experience in so many areas, I felt that makes her an amazing coach.”
— Michelle Carney, East Galway, Ireland
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